penpusher | Olive You, In NYC! (Reply)

Just in case you didn't know.

I guess I feel the need to talk about VD right now. Everybody is talking about it. If you don't talk about it today, when will you talk about it?

I guess I can say that I'm VD free! That's something to be proud of, right?

I think there are a lot of New Yorkers who feel the same way that I do. That is, we are dealing with being single and not really feeling conscious of it until a day like today comes along.

There are unique demands to being a single in NYC. Everyone is looking for that perfect person.

It didn't used to be like this. People would graduate high school or college, presumably with their sweetheart, and build a life together. It would be a struggle, maybe one would work while the other would take more courses or they'd both work... but whatever the logistics of it all, they functioned as a team to get where they wanted to go.

Nowadays, people are much more focused on moving into a "favorable situation." There is no "working together." It's "I have this, you have that, and you are playing on my level." It almost is like India's famed Caste system. The tax brackets don't intermingle.

This is especially intense in New York, where floor space costs by the square foot, designer duds don't come from a wholesale outlet and a cheap meal out means less than one hundred dollars, fifteen percent gratuity included.

Isn't that the problem? Isn't this part of the reason divorce is so easy? There is no "teamwork" anymore. It's [You] and it's [Me] and we want our separate stuff and we want more from our partner, to enhance and embellish our lives. The "struggle," the achievement of success is neither desired nor existent! And if you aren't enhancing and embellishing the way you should, bye-bye!

NYC creates the need for a lot of strange situations. Odd jobs, odd living arrangements, the rare choice between space and location. Would you rather live in a dark studio apartment on 90th off of Lexington or a two bedroom place on 190th just north of the George Washington Bridge?

Forget the show "Are You Hot?" The real judging around here is where you live and what your place looks like! Do you own or rent? What's your maintenance fee?

Not very romantic, is it?

I never really thought of NYC as "romantic." Maybe that's because I grew up here and know the ins and outs. But maybe it's because it just ISN'T. Most of the romance of the town was created for film. But for every "When Harry Met Sally," there's a "Taxi Driver." Just keep that in mind.

It's not a put-down! New York does have an image. Tough, urban, unfeeling on one hand... caring, comforting, strong on the other. But only so many people can fit, you know! And there are people who either buy into the romance or are looking to create it.

Our lack of connection doesn't help. It seems so much harder to connect with people on a face-to-face level anymore! Are we losing our social skills? Has the internet really spoiled our ability to relate to real life human beings?

I'm overdramatizing (I think!) but the facts: personal ads are making a comeback. People are paying relationship counselors to set them up on dates and there are endless party promotions going on. Who can party that much and still have time for work and sleep? Only a single person who isn't going to be in a relationship for a long, long while.

We are a little crazy from the terrorism. I have to say there is an influence about that. 9/11 is there as this constant reminder that anyone could be anywhere and be a victim. The idea is to get a level of success, get to a point where you have the flexibility to get out quickly and enjoy what's going on while you have it, because tomorrow could be really ugly.

Even our Mayor, Mike Bloomberg, has residences all over the world... London, Jamaica, a place in the Napa Valley, a ranch in Colorado. He is a bachelor billionaire, in charge of the world's most famous city, and even he's having trouble dating! Does that tell you something about the state of love in NYC?

But, that's all general and has nothing to do with my personal New York story.

Truthfully, I almost had a good Valentine's Day once. I was taking one of my film courses a few years ago and I was sharing my thoughts about things with a classmate. She was really intelligent and always had some brilliant counterpoint to what I had to say. Sometimes we'd disagree about things, but even in the debate there was a great sort of respect happening that I know we both enjoyed.

My problem was I didn't have a clue as to how much she liked me. So when she asked me out for a date, I was totally shocked and unprepared. I politely turned her down, not realizing I was being a rude idiot. Chance blown. Maybe if I could have seen that element everything would have been different. But then again, I wouldn't be here writing this.

I guess we are meant to experience different things. It makes us who we are. The idea is to maintain your humanity, and your hope.

So what. Valentines. Charlie Brown survived and he was perpetually stuck at that age when it really aches to not get a card. It's only as big a deal as you make it.

I'm not even working a gig tonight. So, I'm going to spend the evening with my mom. No romance, but at least, love.