First Think, THEN Ink.

Consider this a kind of "State of the Love" Address for 2016, via a forty seven year old program.

If you are able to get the Decades Network, and you probably are if you have a CBS affiliate in your area, you might have tuned in to see some vintage programming that they broadcast (and I do mean broadcast, as the station is available, most everywhere, without a cable wire or satellite connection). They hold the lion's share of all of the programs that CBS/Paramount own, and with a lean for putting historic events (and vintage teevee shows) in perspective, they cycle through a lot of material, often linking what they show to the particular date, during the week. That also means, they don't have a set schedule of what gets shown when, so every day it's a surprise of vintage newsclips, forgotten films and talk shows and sitcoms and drama series all tossed together to celebrate an anniversary of an event or birthday of a notable person.

Weekends are a bit different because they do what's called "The Decades Binge," showing dozens of episodes of one series, all in a row and mostly in chronological order of original telecast date. Not to be overtly obvious, they chose to run a marathon of episodes from the series "Love, American Style" this Valentines' weekend.



An anthology series that originally ran on the ABC television network from the fall of 1969 through the winter of 1974, it also went into syndicated reruns on many local channels for many years after that.

The actor appearances on the show are quite notable, as some pretty big names did episodes throughout the run of the program, and many of the familiar names of actors from other long time popular sitcoms made multiple guest shots here, like Bill Bixby, Judy Carne, Larry Storch and Stefanie Powers, among a roll call of stars of that era. But perhaps the most notable and consistent element of the series was an unusual Brass Bed that found its way into the majority of episodes and "blackout" sketches throughout the run.



I decided to watch a few episodes of this show, as I remember being quite taken with it as a kid. The first thing I noted was the scoring of the show. Yes, the iconic theme song (originally performed by The Cowsills, but in the syndicated version only the "Charles Fox Singers") was there, but the incidental music used throughout the episodes really sounded like they wanted to be Burt Bacharach compositions. As an unabashed Bacharach fan, I'm sure part of my attraction to this program was based on this element, that I probably didn't even notice when I viewed it as a kid.

But more importantly, I realized a couple of very disturbing things. The first being that for a show from the era of "Women's Liberation," it was still highly sexist, almost to a disgusting level. Yes, it was a comedy, but for a series that actually could have made a statement about love in a way that gave a positive message, along with some laughs, an opportunity was clearly missed. ABC did a skosh better in that area with their similar anthology series, "The Love Boat," several years after this.

But on a personal note, I realize now that a lot of what I thought about love, how to get it, what it was about, how to behave around someone I was interested in and what it all really meant was, to some degree, shaped by this series. It might have been okay if I actually had a social life to counteract the false messages I was getting from a program like this one, or even if I had some other "relationship" program to watch that might have put it in a better perspective.

There were some clearly "stalking" type behaviors, played for comic effect, some "joke divorce" elements throughout and other really weird material, even for the late 60s and early 70s, when it first aired. I look at this program now and realize just how odd it is to me today, compared to how the me of my grade and junior high school years viewed it.

There is a whole "garbage in - garbage out" quality to some of this stuff that really makes me feel like I never should have heard of this show, let alone watched it after school while doing homework, as this was a terrible socialization method for learning about love, and it wasn't even that good as a sitcom.

If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, I could have done much worse than telling me to never watch "Love, American Style," and really, that probably goes for this weekend, too.

That's the state of the love, this year.

My Fellow Lovers...

I can't believe I've been doing one of these, every year, for the past three years. I never intended it to be this. It just happened the first year and then I got the brilliant idea to continue doing it each year. I accept whatever blame or praise you have for me because of it.

As I look back on last year's address, I realize I made a promise to myself that I didn't keep. I didn't make "The List."®

"The List"®, in case you never knew, or in case you forgot, is a specific rundown of the traits and attributes you want to find in your potential mate.

The concept is very simple indeed. You make a list of the important elements to you, in as much detail as you dare. Here, being meticulous counts for a lot. You have to go through the physical, the mental, the emotional, the psychological, the geographical, the sexual and list off all of the things that you would find amazing in the person you want to meet.

According to legend, within a very short time after you complete "The List"®, a person crosses your path that not only matches your requests, but quite often exceeds what you asked, in many, if not all, areas!

Really, though, "The List"® is there to allow you to clarify what you want to find for yourself. As Joe Jackson sang: "You Can't Get What You Want, Til You Know What You Want." And that is the issue at stake. There's no element that's too minute to mention, no detail to small to overlook.

Let me give you an example. The one and only time I did "The List"®, I finished and literally just more than two weeks after I completed it, a woman showed up, completely at random! It was unbelievable! Attractive, intelligent, funny... I thought she was The One! Unfortunately, I forgot to list "stable" as one of the attributes I sought. Obviously, that was a no go.

It does seem that Cupid likes to have a laugh at humanity's expense when it comes to this game called love. I must be in the Best Comedy category with all of the missteps, the quirks, the bizarre elements and other such stuff that have gone into my life.

Another element that perhaps prevented me from making "The List"® was in thinking that I needed to be the person I thought I should be, before wrapping myself up with someone else. And that's very real. I'm a believer that one needs to be fully realized to have a good relationship with someone else. I think it takes people of my generation a longer time to get that concept, and an even longer time to do it. Our competitive nature has made living our lives really difficult for each other, rather than having people help one another.

As I noted in a previous State Of The Love Address, we aren't people who expect to meet someone and have that person shape or mold us into the people we should be, or worse, to have to help our partner through their own problems. We expect to share our time with a person who fits with us, a fully fitting jigsaw piece that doesn't have to be carved by that other person or that need some extra elements added on to connect properly.

There's a lot more to this. Allowing someone to be intimate with you is a tricky business. Will they be sensitive to your needs or more caring about their own? Are they emotional vampires, trying to get what they want? Or are they cloying cling-ons desperate to latch on to whomever they can get?

What is wrong with us? Why are we so intent on having more for ourselves when others have nothing? Are we all beggars of love?

Well, no. Some of us have an extreme amount of love. And what's that from? Appearance, wealth, fame, ability.

There are people who are beautiful to look at but not easy to get along with, and we know this. There are any number of attractive celebrities who have been through any number of relationships. We all can name at least a few. What is their story? They are learning about life while an audience of millions looks on and comments. Why do they simply repeat the same mistakes and bad choices over and over?

It seems like the learning is the important element in all of this. Love is about learning. Learning how to behave in a relationship, learning what is important to a partner, learning is a crucial point. If you aren't learning, then you are bound to make mistakes. But it's also about forgiving. If you are dealing with mistakes, how do you handle it. Will you make it work or need to take the remedial class?

But back to "The List"®. Making "The List"® doesn't necessarily guarantee you will find your perfect lover, but it does allow you to clarify, in your own head, what it is you want to find. That way, when someone interesting crosses your path, you have a template to use to see how that person matches up compared to your ideal.

Now, most of us know that an "ideal" is exactly that, and are capable of modifying our choices. Conversely, the perfect person could actually come along and unless you've bothered to list the traits, you might not even know it!

So, here we are. Some of us have found love, others have not yet, and still others may never. Let's be realistic. Not everyone can and will find love. Some people have stumbling blocks, either put in their way by fate or by themselves.

How you love yourself is perhaps more important than any love anyone else can give you. That's because how you love yourself is ultimately how everyone else CAN love you. Staying positive about your self-opinion is the crucial element.

I want all of you lovers out there, all of the people who want to find someone special by this time next year to make a pact with me.

I will be certain to be as true to myself as I can.
I will be certain to not be unreasonbly critical of myself.
I will attempt "The List"®.
If things don't work, I won't give up.
I will learn from all my experiences.

See you next year to compare notes.

My Fellow Lovers.

Today, and tonight, here in New York City, a place some consider to be one of the most romantic places on this planet, there is love.

As I went from place to place today, from river to shining river, there they were. The two-headed, four-legged creatures, hugging, caressing, laughing, yes, interdigitating... and of course, kissing.

Forget about being a voyeur. You couldn't help but see it today. In the streets, on the subway, and of course, in the candy shops and bodegas which had just doubled the price of their roses. And not just kissing. Audible kissing! The kind of kissing where it sounds like you opened a bottle of sparkling water.

This Valentine's Day has been especially love driven. I think I know why. The cold winter, the unease about the direction our country is going, the need for comfort and the fact that everyone seems to look great causes people to drift towards their partners even more.

And even my friends list isn't immune to such stuff... Both melodymuse and sweet_evil got engaged!! It's more than just coincidence. There's lots of love out there.

For some.

For the rest of us, well, we'll get by hearing all about your wonderful adventures in Cupid's Grove. I can't even say I'm unhappy about not having a valentine. Shockingly, I'm not. I'm actually very content. Somehow, I'm ok with it all. I never really had a valentine anyway. I mean a REAL valentine, the kind you might give a diamond ring to at some point in a relationship. Maybe I've come to accept my fate.

Looking back at last year's Valentine's Day address, I have to say I'm far less cynical about love than I was a year ago. That's worth something, I think. I can appreciate love and lovers for what they are... wonderful people who found a person they can connect with on many different levels.

Wow! Imagine someone you can have spectaular sex with, then you wind up cooking a meal together, and have sparkling conversation while you dine, followed by bathing, massage and more sex! It's a person who earns money and still has time to spend with you. And it's someone you can stand to look at for more than ten seconds at a stretch!

The dream lives.

I have to remain a little cynical. It's in my lifetime contract. Sorry about that. But, I'm smiling while I write it. Take that, Carrie Bradshaw and you other mythical New York women!

I wish you love. If you have it, may it grow beyond your wildest imaginings. If you don't, may you find it when you need it the most, and may it change your life in incredible and wonderful ways. And, if you're like me, may you find enjoyment in everyone else's happiness. That's what really matters!

<3

I've never had a Valentine on Valentine's Day.
( That sounds pathetic, doesn't it? )