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penpusherI was recently dropped by a person I met in real life. This person actually wrote a post about how people were not commenting to the entries in this person's journal. In the original draft of this rant, it ended with a "fuck you" to the people who weren't replying. Later, the expletive was deleted, but the general angst remained.
I wrote a reply to the post, which I actually wanted to keep for myself for when I will inevitably come to the realization that I'm doing what this person is doing. It's a bookmark reminder which is why I'm posting this here, not really so much for any comments or replies. Of course, you're welcome to do so, if you have any other ideas about the topic.
So, if you want to talk about journal comments, click on the link below.
Re: Passive-Aggressive
I really feel you have captured the reason for the issue in the title of this post. But let me make a few points.
I think it's pretty presumptuous of anyone to claim to know why people do or don't interact with each other, either in "real life" or here on Live Journal. And in this case, to think that the reason is because of "a problem" of a particular nature across the board is probably not entirely accurate. So, I am compelled to make the following statement here, my final one since you have chosen to drop me from your list.
I can't speak specifically on why you are not getting the sort of response you would hope for across the board. I will speak about my interaction with you and my interaction on LJ generally.
There are various personality types that use LJ. And you need to understand which one you are dealing with at any given time to have a more encompassing view of whom you are dealing with if you want to have an understanding of why they do what they do.
Here's my thing. I have a pretty large list of people that I deal with on a regular basis. And I try to comment where I feel I can contribute something to the post, be it humorous, helpful or hopeful. I personally don't comment to every post I see, and I wouldn't want people to do that for my posts.
The reason I don't reply to anything you say is because there is nothing for me to say to you. I have no comment to make. Usually you make a statement of some sort, justify it with a following comment and sum it all up. Well, that's pretty well self-contained, isn't it?
Now, if you want to get a lot of replies to your entries, there are some simple ways of doing that.
1. Interact with your audience. Give them something to work with, ask a question, do an opinion poll. Engage them.
2. Make it (a bit more) about them. People like the opportunity to share things about themselves (that's why we're all here, kinda sorta). So if it's a little less self-focused, you are more likely to get a response.
3. Criticize less, praise more. People don't want to interact with someone who spoonfeeds vinegar all the time. Mix that up a bit.
4. Don't always be the expert. It's great to win, but sometimes there's victory in losing. Easing up is a great way to allow interaction. Everyone doesn't like debate, especially when they're winding down from their jobs, or whatever is happening in their lives.
5. Don't assume (as Felix Unger famously stated). Why are people not talking to you? And why do people drop you? You seem to believe that everyone has the same agenda and same reasons and reasoning for this. I'm not quite as certain. I mean, maybe it's true, but maybe you're not allowing anyone a chance to be themselves. Maybe if you trusted your audience and didn't screen everything that gets posted to your journal, you would have better results.
6. Offer subjects that can be commented upon. I understand you've been through a very unique experience in your life, and that you even have a journal that relates to that. I think that's great, but you have to remember that most people have not been through anything like that. So it's hard to speak with any intelligence on that topic for someone who isn't you. It makes people more reticent to say anything if they feel like they'll be judged as amateurs on a topic.
7. Don't be needy. People don't want to feel obligated to interact with you. They do it because they WANT to do it. It's an invitation, not an inditement, to paraphrase Shakespeare. Complaining that you aren't getting responses may only keep people from commenting even longer. Remember that Aesop's Fable about the sun and the wind: Persuasion works better than force.
8. You go first. If you aren't making comments on other people's journals, they probably won't comment to yours. It's schoolyard, yes, but it's true. People are looking for a response from you first to what they are doing. If you just write and await your minions to comply with your desires, just grab a magazine from the pile on the coffee table in front of you. Godot will see you as soon as he can.
Look. I don't mean bash you here, or to say you're completely to blame for the lack of interaction you seek. However, I would say that you need to look at the various personalities you have friended, understand what they're about, get an idea about their lives, schedules, what they write about in their journals. My advice is to follow the above steps as a very loose guideline and maybe you'll get some results.
But this actually got me thinking about my journal, and how I sometimes don't always reply to a statement or comment someone makes on one of my posts. Typically, this happens towards the end of the posts, but occasionally, a comment will go unreplied in the middle somewhere. I notice this when I go into the archives to find posts that relate to something new that is being discussed. I'll look back and see a comment and wonder why I didn't say something back.
If I have done that to you, it was not because I ignored it. I just didn't type something back. Believe me, I cherish all the comments I get to anything I write. I think sometimes I don't always have a good enough reply to make it worth your while.
In fact, I stated that I would never delete this journal, and I'll probably open it up to the public if I ever do decide to stop writing here, so people can have it to look at for themselves. To me, when you allow people to comment on your journal, it's not entirely yours anymore. I mean, it is "YOURS" in that it is your journal, but it's also a little bit of everyone who sees fit to make a comment, leave their flavor there, give their insights, and spin things differently. That's why I'm against deleting journals. You are deleting everything everyone else took the time to say, along with your entries!
But the point here is that I'm apologizing to you if you wrote me a comment and expected me to reply and I didn't.
I'm sorry!
Oh, and HAPPY FRIDAY!
(xposted to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
spaceagers)
I wrote a reply to the post, which I actually wanted to keep for myself for when I will inevitably come to the realization that I'm doing what this person is doing. It's a bookmark reminder which is why I'm posting this here, not really so much for any comments or replies. Of course, you're welcome to do so, if you have any other ideas about the topic.
So, if you want to talk about journal comments, click on the link below.
Re: Passive-Aggressive
I really feel you have captured the reason for the issue in the title of this post. But let me make a few points.
I think it's pretty presumptuous of anyone to claim to know why people do or don't interact with each other, either in "real life" or here on Live Journal. And in this case, to think that the reason is because of "a problem" of a particular nature across the board is probably not entirely accurate. So, I am compelled to make the following statement here, my final one since you have chosen to drop me from your list.
I can't speak specifically on why you are not getting the sort of response you would hope for across the board. I will speak about my interaction with you and my interaction on LJ generally.
There are various personality types that use LJ. And you need to understand which one you are dealing with at any given time to have a more encompassing view of whom you are dealing with if you want to have an understanding of why they do what they do.
Here's my thing. I have a pretty large list of people that I deal with on a regular basis. And I try to comment where I feel I can contribute something to the post, be it humorous, helpful or hopeful. I personally don't comment to every post I see, and I wouldn't want people to do that for my posts.
The reason I don't reply to anything you say is because there is nothing for me to say to you. I have no comment to make. Usually you make a statement of some sort, justify it with a following comment and sum it all up. Well, that's pretty well self-contained, isn't it?
Now, if you want to get a lot of replies to your entries, there are some simple ways of doing that.
1. Interact with your audience. Give them something to work with, ask a question, do an opinion poll. Engage them.
2. Make it (a bit more) about them. People like the opportunity to share things about themselves (that's why we're all here, kinda sorta). So if it's a little less self-focused, you are more likely to get a response.
3. Criticize less, praise more. People don't want to interact with someone who spoonfeeds vinegar all the time. Mix that up a bit.
4. Don't always be the expert. It's great to win, but sometimes there's victory in losing. Easing up is a great way to allow interaction. Everyone doesn't like debate, especially when they're winding down from their jobs, or whatever is happening in their lives.
5. Don't assume (as Felix Unger famously stated). Why are people not talking to you? And why do people drop you? You seem to believe that everyone has the same agenda and same reasons and reasoning for this. I'm not quite as certain. I mean, maybe it's true, but maybe you're not allowing anyone a chance to be themselves. Maybe if you trusted your audience and didn't screen everything that gets posted to your journal, you would have better results.
6. Offer subjects that can be commented upon. I understand you've been through a very unique experience in your life, and that you even have a journal that relates to that. I think that's great, but you have to remember that most people have not been through anything like that. So it's hard to speak with any intelligence on that topic for someone who isn't you. It makes people more reticent to say anything if they feel like they'll be judged as amateurs on a topic.
7. Don't be needy. People don't want to feel obligated to interact with you. They do it because they WANT to do it. It's an invitation, not an inditement, to paraphrase Shakespeare. Complaining that you aren't getting responses may only keep people from commenting even longer. Remember that Aesop's Fable about the sun and the wind: Persuasion works better than force.
8. You go first. If you aren't making comments on other people's journals, they probably won't comment to yours. It's schoolyard, yes, but it's true. People are looking for a response from you first to what they are doing. If you just write and await your minions to comply with your desires, just grab a magazine from the pile on the coffee table in front of you. Godot will see you as soon as he can.
Look. I don't mean bash you here, or to say you're completely to blame for the lack of interaction you seek. However, I would say that you need to look at the various personalities you have friended, understand what they're about, get an idea about their lives, schedules, what they write about in their journals. My advice is to follow the above steps as a very loose guideline and maybe you'll get some results.
But this actually got me thinking about my journal, and how I sometimes don't always reply to a statement or comment someone makes on one of my posts. Typically, this happens towards the end of the posts, but occasionally, a comment will go unreplied in the middle somewhere. I notice this when I go into the archives to find posts that relate to something new that is being discussed. I'll look back and see a comment and wonder why I didn't say something back.
If I have done that to you, it was not because I ignored it. I just didn't type something back. Believe me, I cherish all the comments I get to anything I write. I think sometimes I don't always have a good enough reply to make it worth your while.
In fact, I stated that I would never delete this journal, and I'll probably open it up to the public if I ever do decide to stop writing here, so people can have it to look at for themselves. To me, when you allow people to comment on your journal, it's not entirely yours anymore. I mean, it is "YOURS" in that it is your journal, but it's also a little bit of everyone who sees fit to make a comment, leave their flavor there, give their insights, and spin things differently. That's why I'm against deleting journals. You are deleting everything everyone else took the time to say, along with your entries!
But the point here is that I'm apologizing to you if you wrote me a comment and expected me to reply and I didn't.
I'm sorry!
Oh, and HAPPY FRIDAY!
(xposted to
spaceagers)