penpusher: (Question)
The most controversial part of the Q interview, that I pointed out yesterday, is the element surrounding his good friend, Bill Cosby.

Marchese: We’ve obviously been learning more lately about just how corrosive the entertainment industry can be for women. As someone who’s worked in that business at the highest levels for so many years, do all the recent revelations come as a surprise?

Jones: No, man. Women had to put up with fucked-up shit. Women and brothers — we’re both dealing with the glass ceiling.

Marchese: But what about the alleged behavior of a friend of yours like Bill Cosby? Is it hard to square what he’s been accused of with the person you know?

Jones: It was all of them. Brett Ratner. [Harvey] Weinstein. Weinstein — he’s a jive motherfucker. Wouldn’t return my five calls. A bully.

Marchese: What about Cosby, though?

Jones: What about it?

Marchese: Were the allegations a surprise to you?

Jones: We can’t talk about this in public, man.


In other words, Q knew.

Let's think about that for a minute, then put that in context.

Joe Paterno was the long time football coach for Penn State University. Jerry Sandusky, his assistant, was a serial rapist, continually molesting little boys and teenagers throughout the duration of his tenure at the school.

Paterno was held partially responsible for his assistant's actions, was stripped of the accolades the university had previously bestowed upon him and was sent packing in disgrace, all because he did nothing.

While Quincy Jones is not in the same position with Bill Cosby, in that he didn't hire Cosby for jobs or didn't bring Cosby into circumstances specifically, the way Paterno did with Sandusky, the parallels make one pause. Why wouldn't you blow the whistle on someone, even for their own sake, to get THEM some help, let alone stop them from harming more people? Why would you ignore those actions knowing that these actions are illegal at least, immoral at best?

I'm not certain that anyone is going to come after Q for this, but it definitely made me sad.
penpusher: (Eclipse)
Yesterday, there was this video clip:



The father of three victims of that Olympic Doctor who molested all those athletes reacted to him.

A friend asked about why this kind of anger and response wasn't there at the very start, and it took all of these people coming forward to share their harrowing tales of abuse to finally bring about this reaction. After giving it a bit of thought, here's what I came up with...

Expectations.

I think, as a starting point, we have certain expectations about what our lives are all about, how things function, and who the people we encounter are. We also have an expectation that the people in our lives, most especially professionals, always behave in an ethical manner. After all, they have worked to get to the place where they are. They wouldn't jeopardize that position by doing something that might take everything they had done, away.

So, when we begin looking at a circumstance like the one where we have a doctor sexually molesting how many? Over one-hundred and fifty (and counting) young athletes, women and girls, the first thought is that this doctor isn't going to do that. That goes against logic and reason.

Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, Matt Lauer, Roy Moore and this guy, among a bunch of men that were admired for so very long are the people of that sort in question. And, at first glance, our society just couldn't quite believe that these guys would do anything like that. Their personalities away from these accusations fell within the spectrum of normal, even friendly and affable. And they were at the top of their fields.

This way of thinking, this expectation of "how things work" comes into play in a lot of ways in our society. It allows us to believe that the police are always correct in whatever action they take during any routine traffic stop. It permits us to say that a political leader would never place his personal interests ahead of the nation he has sworn to protect. And it definitely affects our view of these people, like all of the Catholic Priests who were accused of molesting altar boys, who were then reassigned to other parishes in other states to avoid the scandal.

When you view these guys, when you consider their position, and assume they must have behaved ethically to get as far as they did, that's where the veil is pulled across our eyes. Surely THEY aren't going to behave that way. So, the issue must be with the accuser. The accusers are not powerful people with clout in the community. They aren't people who have lived as long and may not understand just what they are suggesting with their statements, or they might misread signals they received from their encounter with this person. So, either the accuser simply made a mistake, or it wasn't as bad as described, or it was a false accusation as a prank, or a false accusation to be malicious. Because, if it's none of those things?

We want our world to make sense.

We want our world to make sense.

But, if someone we know and like, a family friend, a trusted confidant, a professional that is noted for their exemplary work... does... this?

It doesn't make sense.

And that's how blaming the victim becomes a thing. We just want the world to make sense and we will do whatever it takes to make that happen.

Eventually, however, the ostriches must lift their heads from the sand, and usually that means looking at a world that is far worse than if they had dealt with the situation when it was first noticed.

I hope we can continue to move forward, that there can be some true healing for everyone harmed because of these events, that the perpetrators can feel some empathy for their victims and can understand the affect they have had by their selfish and unwanted actions. I hope there can be forgiveness, because holding anger, pain and rage only harms the person who feels that even more. And I hope there can be a sense of closure for everyone affected.

But most of all, I'm hoping that we won't make the assumption that just because someone has reached a certain stature in life, doesn't mean they could not or would not be the perpetrator of a heinous act.

Our ostrich days are over.

ETA: Uma Thurman's story about Weinstein, which appears in the Feburary 4, 2018 issue of The New York Times also echoes the point I made here; Ms. Thurman states the following:

“The complicated feeling I have about Harvey is how bad I feel about all the women that were attacked after I was,” she told me one recent night, looking anguished in her elegant apartment in River House on Manhattan’s East Side, as she vaped tobacco, sipped white wine and fed empty pizza boxes into the fireplace.

“I am one of the reasons that a young girl would walk into his room alone, the way I did. Quentin used Harvey as the executive producer of ‘Kill Bill,’ a movie that symbolizes female empowerment. And all these lambs walked into slaughter because they were convinced nobody rises to such a position who would do something illegal to you, but they do.”

Thurman stresses that Creative Artists Agency, her former agency, was connected to Weinstein’s predatory behavior. It has since issued a public apology. “I stand as both a person who was subjected to it and a person who was then also part of the cloud cover, so that’s a super weird split to have,” she says.


Maureen Dowd's interview with Uma Thurman is up on The Times Website
penpusher: (DemReps)
I know that a lot of elements involved in the realm of politics are confusing, arcane, even designed to be misunderstood by the general public. But can we at least get this one basic fact right:

An affiliate of a political party's actions vis a vis sexual misconduct is not a "partisan" issue. Just because a man has acted in a way that is sexually abusive toward someone else that action is, in no way, reflective of a political party.

There are enough examples on both sides of the aisle to support this concept. So, I hope that we can at least agree on that. We can run down the names if you want, but we can easily do that. And the point that needs making is these are just the things we know. There are abuses that have been buried for ten, twenty, thirty years that are just beginning to come to light. Assuredly, as with all the previous cases, those that have committed these acts will not all be from one political party.

But by making it into an accusatory element that somehow reflects on the politics of one party or the other does two negative things. First, it turns the issue into something that it is not. This isn't about being a Democrat or a Republican. This is a method of power and abuse that these men, not just in politics, but as we have seen, in Hollywood, in big business, in small business, in colleges and universities and even in high schools, have used to have their way with other people who have been in positions of weakness against someone who had an image of an upstanding citizen who achieved success for the general public.

But it also diminishes the issue that we need to examine, which is how our society permits men to act in ways that are more related to our caveman ancestors than to persons from a modern day society.

The "Boys with be boys" excuse still gets used and that not only allowed "boys" (aka adult men), to act in this way, it made women and girls feel there was nothing that could be done! This is just reality so you better just lie back and enjoy it.

And really, that was the system of control, tolerance, and method of oppression that occurred for centuries. Women were not seen as equals to men, so what they said, what they thought, how they acted, likewise were not treated equally.

Here's the issue that needs to be examined. Our society has helped to perpetrate this system. In many ways, it's like racism. The oppressed group is diminished, treated like an "other," is frequently assumed to have "participated" in some way which allowed this to happen, and is questioned as if they are the perpetrator, not the victim.

And the problem we see, when we have a system that functions like that is that more and more men will want to participate in it. It becomes an expectation, an opportunity, a right. I can do it because every man in every generation before me did it.

That brings me to the crucial element that we must keep in mind. And the problem is the same for sexism and racism if we want to actually dismantle these cruel aspects of our society.

We need to have closure for victims, and for that, at the very least, apologies should be forthcoming from those that have acted inappropriately, or criminally, no matter if the Statute of Limitations has expired (because, after all, the victims have lived with these actions all this while). But to make the changes in our society that need to happen to stop it, to close the door on this behavior in the future, requires us to dismantle the elements that have permitted it, and that is a different element.

In that sense, we have to look less at individual acts, specifically because this is a macro problem that needs to be resolved. It involves teaching small boys about how to behave, what is appropriate, why certain actions should never be done to someone else without asking. It's about teaching children that if you were physically abused by someone, you need to say so and that adults will believe you. We need to begin this immediately because the longer we wait, the more abusers can still be created.

Ultimately, there is a cultural issue here. These guys may not have been taught that they have permission to do what they did, but they learned it by osmosis, based on how our societal norms treated others who acted the same way. And that's where the main focus needs to be if we are to bring an end to these issues. In no way does this absolve anyone who did anything before, but the most important idea we need to collectively focus on is keeping it from happening again to anyone. That means all of us need to start changing our behaviors for the sake of all of us.

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